If I was to ask you who the most assumptions and judgmental person is a you know what would you say.
No don't go pointing your finger at mom or dad or your little brother or your big sister or Auntie Sue
who lives just around the roads.
No.
Sometimes it is good and wise for us to point that little wizard finger of ours a little bit closer
to home.
I'm going to boldly say right now that I am the most assumptions and Judge judgmental person that I
know all right because I've got no idea the assumptions and judgments that people are arriving at in
life.
All I know is how I respond to the assumptions and judgments that I think people are making.
You know when it comes to being assumptions I reckon that the person who we are generally most assumptions
and judgmental towards is us ourselves.
We tend to be a little bit harder on ourselves at times and what we are on other people when the reason
for this is is because we will never fully know and we never fully know where other people are right
in life.
So I want to wrap up this section of the course by talking about and sharing with you how it is that
we live in this constant state of comparison.
It's kind of like this those two conflicting parts of us earlier in the course and we talked about self-esteem
and we talked about self concept.
We've talked about perception.
We've also talked about future vision.
Here are one to integrate two more terms into the mix.
All right.
Current state i.e. where we are in the here and no life as is happening today and our ideal state i.e.
where the grass is gonna be greener.
You know what I mean if we've ever had this conversation and we say things like when I get there life
will be better when I get there when I get there I will feel better within myself when I get there I
will just be content and life is kind of like we're always comparing where we're at today in our present
state to where we want to be when life will be better i.e. this I deal state and it's not like we ever
get there for the fact of the matter is is us as human beings we have this tendency of just simply never
being grateful or appreciative or content with what we have or where we're at in life.
Okay so I just want to rub this section of the core sub just by linking this idea in with what we've
already been talking about over the last few videos.
So our current state is where we see ourselves and perceive ourselves as being today where we see ourselves
as being today in light of our ideal state is going to pretty much determine our self esteem our self
esteem is just simply how we feel about ourselves whether we're happy side indifference or whatever.
All right or self esteem is how we feel about ourselves as we judge ourselves in relation to where we
want to be.
At some point in the future what's true for us is gonna be true for every single client who comes through
your door when they are struggling with low confidence or self doubt.
They are not sure if they're ever gonna be able to do the things that they want to do to get away from
where they're right to where they want to be.
Same principles apply all right self-esteem only ever happens in the here and now when we are judging
ourselves and where we are today in our current state in comparison to where we want to be at some point
in the future when we reach this future vision this ideal state where we want to be which is our self
concept is kind of this version of us the we this person that we want to be this person that we perhaps
think we ought to be the person that we think we should be we could be we must be something like this.
So obviously our thoughts are our actions are day to day basis are going to be governed and very heavily
influenced by our thoughts which obviously then influence our emotions which then Governor actions and
behaviors on a day to day basis do you know where most people get stuck in life.
Most people get stuck in life and self esteem because they're not happy with where they currently are
they're not happy with their physical bodies they're not happy with their current rules they're not
happy with how much money they currently make and it's kind of like enough is never enough.
So when enough is never enough we don't have enough.
We are not enough and we end up looking for ways to overcompensate.
And this is where instant gratifying behavior comes into play.
This will give you a context to really help you better understand especially addictive behaviors.
Now I want to talk about addictive behavior.
I'm not just talking about alcohol or chemicals or anything like this because some people get addicted
to success.
Some people get addicted to accomplishment.
I've encountered this many times with people that operate in ways executives and CEOs or you know a
couple of sports people that I've worked with in the past.
So what some people will do is some people who have us as highly functioning people they'll have a vision
for this ideal state they're going to be i.e. the best and greatest life coach trainer in the world
or the greatest sports star or the most famous celebrity in the world something like this.
And if they're not there they don't quite feel enough yet.
So what do they do.
Well they perceive themselves not being enough and because they perceive themselves as not being enough.
They don't feel off high self-esteem.
So they end up looking for ways to feel better about themselves today.
So guess what they do.
They all sometimes become workaholics or they'll continue to eat drink.
Smaug gamble have sex with ladies and men of the night and stuff like this and they end up becoming
addicted to some of the habits that they have in their lifes instantly gratifying behavior.
Some people play games some people study all right as when we are doing the things that we are doing
not because we just love doing them but because we feel like we need something from them kind of like
an avoidance strategy if you like right.
COLMES example was just avoidance Karen would which would flee to refrain from you know stepping outside
the comfort zone and really pushing herself in life.
Why just to avoid being rejected or doing more damage than than good.
And this is just another another innocent forum in the form of instant gruff provocation if you if you
like so.
So here's the thing when we are focused on building up our self-esteem or our confidence or how we feel
about ourselves in life some people might refer to this as the great American dream.
The pursuit of happiness I won't feel happy.
I want to feel fulfilled.
I want to feel content.
Guess who's at the certain of this.
Guess who's in the middle of this little bubble here.
That's right.
I I want to feel I want to feel.
I want to feel I want to feel something.
When a person is driven by their emotions it leaves them going round and round and round and round and
round and round and round and around the same old circles making the same old choices the same old decisions
that they've always made.
It doesn't matter what their addiction is.
For some people is just that a glass of wine enough to work at a lifetime.
For some people it is remaining for NFL up to a lifetime and a dead end job or a career that they absolutely
hate.
Why.
Because what they're driven by is just simply feeling better believe it or not.
This model is flawed and misfires.
What leaves many forms.
Therapist over there.
It's what keeps them in business.
Cuddle therapists and things like that.
Right.
Don't get me wrong cuddles a nice a lot of good cuddle.
Every now and again but I certainly wouldn't go and pay for cuddle therapy.
Why.
Well I guess all the couples in the world aren't gonna provoke me to go and change my habits my attitude
towards life and the actions that I'm taken on a day to day basis for the purpose of having more to
more than what I've currently got in my life today.
All right.
What I'm saying here is when our primary goal in life holds true for us is also true for our clients
is just simply to feel better within ourselves.
We end up very very easily becoming addicted to habits or behaviors or outputs or people or substances
or whatever just kind of give us a second best but not quite best what I'm gonna suggest right is that
we all want to feel like we're making progress in life when we don't feel like we're making progress
in life.
And I don't know about you but I just sends me round the absolute twist we need to feel like our moon
will make moving forward and making progress in some area of our life all the time.
Otherwise we're just going round and round in circles.
And this fulfills no one.
M S N is not getting more stuff that fulfills us in life.
It's not feeling better about ourselves that fulfills us in life.
It's feeling annoying and being able to see that we're actually moving forward that we're actually growing
and that we're actually making progress.
So what is the purpose of life coaching my friend.
Well from your client's perspective it will on some level be to aid them through the process of getting
away from where they're at in their current state towards their ideal state i.e. make an pro grass.
Now here's the thing.
All right if we want more in our lives tomorrow than what we've got in our lives today we're going to
have to change something.
And this is where the attitude of delaying gratification kicks in to play right.
Which is a choice of maturity and character because then if we want something more tomorrow we're going
to have to generally give up something that we're clinging onto today.
If that makes sense.
So in order for us to start really making progress in life it's not so much about us just changing our
habits or even just changing our mind.
It certainly can involve us committing to becoming and actively being the person that we want to be.
And the reason why I'm talking about this is because we're talking about self self esteem is how I feel
about myself self concept is about who I want to be and this is where many people really really screw
up and why many people end up going nowhere in life because the primary goal and focus becomes more
about feeling better than what it is about becoming better and growing into and becoming the person
that they ultimately want to be.
So for Karen's example I'm just talking about being a better communicator but with that is going to
be the means through which she ultimately fulfills her end goal which is to be more valuable for other
people.
All right.
So if you think about what and the greatest vision is that we could have for our future and for the
way that I like to do that I like to look at us as.
Think about how it is that you would like to be remembered once you're dead and gone.
See for example someone you've just died right in someone's writing out your obituary someone's right
in a what's going to get chiseled on your headstone.
How is it that you actually want to be remembered by people.
Well I've done this exercise a couple of times myself and I certainly don't want to be remembered as
Ken Ramsey a great teacher fantastic coach.
And it's kind of all a little bit relevant to be honest with you.
The greatest vision that I could have fought for my future is being known and understood as being a
person of integrity a loving husband a loving father even a grandfather by those that know me the most
doesn't know me the best.
So here's the thing.
In order for me to start feeling like I am progressing and getting closer to my ideal state it's not
about me doing anything right.
I us feeling better about ourselves involves us doing something or taking something or take an action
but actually moving forward and progressing in life requires us to grow.
Growing isn't about us doing anything.
It's actually about us choosing to become more.
Big difference here between doing and being and it's taken us a couple of sections to get here.
But this is what I want to wrap this section up with so we can step into it at the start.
The start of the next life coaching isn't about us doing things more effectively.
It's about us being more effective.
It's about us becoming the kind of people with the kind of man the kind of woman that we actually want
to be.
For other people reason being because if we're not loving the kind of lifes are fundamentally making
a positive impact and adding value to other people.
We're never gonna feel fulfilled which is going to leave us in a place where all we really want is just
to feel better about ourselves which is generally going to lead us into all sorts of gratifying habitual
behaviors.
Saw big idea.
But I just want to wrap this section up with this little bit of food for thought here but throw that
section that follows.
We're going to start really delving into the world of limiting beliefs hold the beliefs that we build
and base our life on fundamentally do completely determine the outcomes that we have whether we believe
that we are enough whether we believe that we can whether we believe that we can't and is generally
going to determine whether we can or can't or whether we will or won't.
So are the beliefs are the invisible foundation that we boat and base our life on the ultimately determine
whether other people in the world get to experience or find any value in us or otherwise.
Listen we've covered a whole lot of stuff in this section of the course.
I hope you're finding interesting and I hope you also understand why we've got to cover all this stuff
i.e. self awareness first and foremost because from your perspective as a life coach if you are not
aware of yourself then you are not gonna be able to effectively manage yourself and if you are not effectively
managing yourself then you're certainly not going to be effective at influencing or managing others
with me if we want to lead other people in life we must ourselves be prepared to go there first.
That's OK.
Enjoying the course.
I hope so.
I look forward to seeing you again in Section 3.